Oh, Sweet Simplicity
by Mochashakee
Summary: A series of one shots between Kaidan and Shepard, including: the day of her death, the reunion on Horizon, and a few original moments. Rated for explicit scenes.
1. Death Day

Everything was relatively peaceful as the SSV Normandy cruised through dead space. All systems were functioning and the crew was in a rare state of almost monotonous tranquility. After months of constant struggles against impossible foes and even society, their days now were considerably calm. Commander Shepard refused to rest, knowing that the Reapers were still very much at work. With no leads or suspicions, the fiery woman had decided to utilize their free time by wiping out any geth they could get their hands on. Their latest search brought them to one of the far ends of the galaxy.

"No sign of geth activity, Commander," was the update that blared through the intercom, interrupting a tender moment. The Normandy's pilot, Joker, had a knack for doing so. The manner in which it was spoken indicated that no reply was necessary, and thankfully so.

Var Shepard had temporarily retreated from her hard exterior into a more feminine persona that only one other being had ever met: Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko. The raven-haired man pulled her lithe form more securely against his and rested a calloused hand on the bare skin of her hip. His lover sighed in content and rolled onto him, intertwining their legs as she went. The position was wonderfully intimate, but roused no excitement. Such ambitions had been spent only moments previous.

"See," Shepard asked, quite arrogantly. "We have time." The pair had been debating on whether or not they should get back to work. The ambitious woman had been rather reluctant and insisted on capturing a few more moments. For this, both of them would later come to appreciate.

The lieutenant was a good deal more practical. "If anything were to happen to the Normandy right now," Kaidan began "We'd both be dead." With the threat of the Reapers constantly at their door and the healthy sum of enemies they had, such an event was not a possibility, but a probability.

Shepard knew this quite well. It was merely a childish desire of hers to throw away their worries and indulge in each other for as long as she could. It would seem that time had come to a predictable end. She rolled her eyes at him and stood from her bed, stretching her arm high above her. The redhead could feel his eyes ravishing her body and made no move to hide herself from him. Instead, she chose to turn and grin coyly at him.

"Come now, Kaidan. You can't insist that we get back to work, then stare at me like a virgin." At last his eyes met hers and he saw the challenge in him. He resisted successfully. Seeing her bare before him had a certain influence over him, one he could not satisfy. Thankfully, the lieutenant was lapsing back into his Alliance mindset. He nodded and stood, displaying his own frame.

Unlike his commander, Kaidan did not exemplify his ambrosial appearance with suggestive movements. He donned his attire and graced her with a victorious smile. Her clever response was another roll of the eyes. She too slid into her N7 armor and made for the elevator. Her lover followed obediently, eager to please and happy to be near. The feeling was mutual.

As the door slid shut, an odd sensation filled the cramped space. A sort of wondrous comfort radiated from their union. It was a feeling they had grown quite familiar with, though neither would name nor acknowledge it.

"Brace for evasive maneuvers!" Before anyone had time to do so, the Normandy was twisting and turning for uncertain reasons. Shepard was thrown against the floor of the mess hall on her way to the medbay. Doctor Chakwas had wished to speak to the commander about her facial scars, but those matters would have to wait. The woman was thrown once more as the ship was hit. The Normandy was under attack.

"Kinetic barriers down," Joker informed over the speakers. Whoever was attacking was highly advanced. No known technologies had been able to get past Alliance stealth systems, let alone their evasive maneuvers. This called for backup.

Shepard clambered to her feet, wondering briefly if Kaidan was alright, and made for the main battery. She latched onto the rail and used it to stabilize herself. "Multiple hull breeches. Weapons offline. Somebody put out that fire!" Now fire had begun to spread. Outstanding!

Var prepared the distress signal and hoped that rescue would come soon, though she knew better. Things had gotten so desperate in such short moments. It would only take a few more to wipe them out. She hadn't commanding a bunch of thumb-suckers. Her crew knew where the escape pods were.

Shepard looked over her shoulder to see that fire had nearly consumed the mess hall. Her crew members were running like frantic children. She couldn't have expected much better. Another hit jolted her out of her musings and knocked her off her feet. She struggled to regain her composure and quickly donned her helmet to combat the smoke.

"Shepard," she heard behind her and glanced back to see her most prized possession.

"Distress beacon ready for launch," she stated, then fired it.

Kaidan nodded, a grim decision settling into his features. "Will the Alliance get here in time," he asked, looking back to see the fire spreading. He assumed not. Impact was known a third time and the both were tossed into the railing. Pipes exploded, blocking their way to the mess hall.

Angered by the situation, Var recovered quickly and grabbed a nearby extinguisher. The foam sated patches of fire, clearing a path. She tossed the apparatus to the lieutenant and went to work on the necessary programming. "I'm not doing this so they can find our frozen corpses," she barked "Get everyone to the escape shuttles."

Kaidan utilized the instrument to clear the rest. "Joker's still in the cockpit," he replied "He won't abandon ship."-Here the man hesitated and looked into her eyes.-"I'm not leaving, either." The lieutenant gave up on extinguishing the flame and moved to assist with the programming.

In frustration, Var abandoned her terminal and grabbed onto his arm, pushing him from his. "I gave you an order," she stated, scowling. She wanted him safe from this mess, not suffering with her. If ordering him around was what it took, then so be it. There was another explosion near them and she moved to check the other pipes and wires.

"Commander," he began, yearning to get personal but determined to know his place.

"Kaidan, go," she demanded, then turned her head to him. "Now."

He hesitated then nodded, taking off with a dread in his abdomen. Somehow he knew it would some time before they would meet again.


	2. Horizon

Var watched the Collector ship leave with mixed feelings. She had forced them out of the colony, but they took most of the colonists with them. At the very least, they possessed new knowledge on how they were making human colonies 'vanish'. She could tell Garrus felt the same. After waking up with all of her priorities shifted, it really was nice to have his face with her. He was the only real stability she had now, but he wasn't the face she yearned for.

"No," the surviving colonist shouted, following vainly after the ship. "Don't let 'em get away."

Shepard felt a good deal of anger for the needy man. He asked for a good deal and she delivered. Still he was not satisfied. "That ship is huge," she stated bitingly. "Exactly how are we supposed to catch it?" Was he that daft or did he have a suggestion? The former was more likely.

"Half the colony's in there," he raved, not thinking straight. "They took Egan and Sam and- and Lilith!" He paced back and forth.

"I did my best," Var snapped "You just hid in your damn bunker!"

"If it wasn't for Shepard, you'd all be on that ship," Garrus added bluntly. She appreciated it, but knew better than to think it was entirely her doing. She had a damn good team on her side.

The man stopped pacing and looked at them as if seeing them for the first time. "Wait, Shepard. I know that name." This failed to shock the irritated woman. She became the first human Spectre, defeated Saren, nuked Virmire, purged Omega and died. People knew her name by now. "Sure, I remember you. You're some type of big Alliance hero." His lack of awe did not surprise her either. What did was the sudden presence of a particularly ambrosial Alliance soldier.

"Commander Shepard," Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko recited, passing by some crates on his way nearer. "Captain of the Normandy, the first human Spectre, savior of the Citadel."-Here he addressed the colonist. "You're in the presence of a legend, Delan. And a ghost." His eyes bored into hers, revealing nothing. She despised it, but was too overwhelmed to hide it.

"All the good people we lost and you get left behind," Delan murmured, scowling at the soldier with a vengeance. "Figures. Screw this. I'm done with you Alliance types." He waved a dismissive hand and stalked off into his empty compound. Var was too distracted by the handsome creature before her to be irked by the ungrateful louse.

Kaidan took a few steps until they were inches apart, his face a mask. Var could not tell if he wished to kiss her or beat her; probably both. He stared at her for a moment and pulled her into his arms. The embrace was familiar and she returned it eagerly, resting her head on his armored chest. It was some time before any words were spoken.

"I thought you were dead, Shepard. We all did." Despite the horribly emotional situation, his voice was just as controlled. He pulled away and she did not protest. This was tender moment and she would not push her luck.

"It's been to long, Kaidan," she replied "How have you been?" She sounded painfully casual, but wanted to know that he had been fine without her. In her mind, it had not been as long as it had. He was clearly angered by the response.

"Is that all you have to say," he asked, trying to keep the rage from his voice. He drew in a shaky breath. His words grew angrier and angrier. "You show up after two years and just act like nothing happened. I thought we had something, Shepard—something real. I love you! Thinking you were dead tore me apart. How could you put me through that? Why didn't you try to contact me? Why didn't you let me know you were alive?" Var found his discontent rather painful. She should have. She did try, didn't she? He would listen to her. He had to!

"I **was** dead," she replied "I've spent the past two years in a coma. They didn't exist for me."

Evidently, this excuse was not enough for him. "Why didn't you try to contact me," he repeated "I've moved on, Shepard. At least, I thought I did. But now we've got reports about you and Cerberus-"

"Reports," Garrus interrupted "You mean you already knew?" That was indeed suspicious. Var was brought back only weeks ago and working with a rather guarded organization. How would anyone, other than those who had seen her, know of her reanimation?

"Alliance intel thought Cerberus might be behind the missing human colonies," Kaidan elaborated, not disguising his annoyance. He wanted this sorted out as quickly as he could manage. "They got a tip this colony might be the next one to get hit. Anderson stonewalled me, but there were rumors that you weren't dead. That you were working for the enemy."

This raised more suspicion and a good deal of anger. Var kept this emotion at bay. The situation was delicate and any instability could cost her the man she loved. "Our colonies are disappearing," she stated "The Alliance turned its back on them. Cerberus is the only group willing to do something about it."

"You can't really believe that," he argued, not masking his own animosity. "You know what Cerberus is like, what they're capable of! I wanted to believe the rumors that you were alive, but I never expected anything like this. You turned your back on everything we believed in. You betrayed the Alliance. You betrayed me."

A cruel heat whipped through her and she stepped closer, scowling. "The Alliance turned their back on me," Shepard shouted, frustrated. "But I'm not going to lie down and take it like an old dog! I don't trust Cerberus, but they're doing the right thing. You saw it yourself. The Collectors are targeting human colonies. And they're working with the Reapers!"

"I want to believe you, Shepard, but I don't trust Cerberus. They could be using the threat of a Reaper to manipulate you. What if they're behind it? What if they're working with the Collectors?"

"Damn it, Kaidan," she interjected, running a hand through her scarlet locks. "This isn't about Cerberus! I don't care if I'm with the Alliance or Cerberus or the damn Migrant Fleet! I'm going to stop the Reapers, end of story."

Kaidan stepped back, gazing at her as if she were some foreign food he had no intention of sampling. "You've changed," he stated accusingly. "But I still know here my loyalties lie. I'm an Alliance soldier; always will be. I've got to report back to the Citadel. They can decide whether they believe your story or not." He turned his back and made to leave.

Var stared at him in disbelief. Was he really compromising everything because of Cerberus? Was he really so close-minded that he refused to look at the bigger picture? He wouldn't even try to see her paradigm. But she was desperate.

"I could use someone like you on my crew, Kaidan," Var said, praying to any deities that he'd consider it at least. "It'll be just like old times." Except for Cerberus and the captain's quarters.

"No it won't," he countered, turning to look at her. "I'll never work for Cerberus." He paused and gazed at her. His handsome features were controlled and grim. His eyes scanned her toned legs, her slim waist, and her scarred face before meeting her eyes. She let him see everything; the hurt, the apology, the helplessness. "Goodbye, Shepard. Be careful." Then he left.

Were this a cheesy romance novel, Var would drop to her knees and beg, then kill herself. While the temptation sounded like a simple solution, the galaxy needed her. There was an army of Reapers determined to exterminate her species and no else would step up to the plate. On the bright side, the Omega 4 Relay might kill her off or she could go down with the Collectors. Preferably the latter, it sounded less incompetent.


	3. An Apology

Var Shepard missed it all: the bare skin, the gentle touches, the unceasing warmth. Even the constant whining about his headaches seemed nothing less than endearing to her now. But she had more important things to do than wish she wasn't Commander Shepard.

The sullen woman looked over the dossier on Thane Krios. The man was certainly talented and well-connected. She glanced at her private terminal when it lit up. There was an encrypted massage from the Illusive Man regarding her decision to release the cage-bred krogan. Var ignored it in favor of her work. Even that was more enlightening than communication with that horrid creature. Drell were certainly an interesting race of alien.

Shepard sighed and stood, tired of the monotonous routine. Some earthen wine would do her good. She sent a message to her yeoman and waited a few minutes for her beverage. There was a delicate succession of knocks on her door, which she answered hastily. Ms. Chambers was feeling particularly chatty, but knew better than to be a burden and left the commander to her devices.

Var popped the bottle open and took a large gulp of it before noticing that she had received another message. It was highly unlikely that the Illusive Man would send another so soon. Dismissing the message as insignificant, Shepard set the bottle next to the terminal and entered the bathroom for a brief shower. Perhaps the stream would relax her sooner than the wine. But it did not. She was clean, refreshed, and on edge. Why was she so unsettled?

With a weighted sigh, the woman grabbed the bottle as she sat and clicked on the message, taking another drink. She scrolled through until she found one that did not look familiar, but her heart leaped at the title. Each word sent shivers down her spine.

_Shepard,_

_ I'm sorry for what I said back on Horizon. I spent two years pulling myself back together after you went down with the Normandy. It took me a long time to get over my guilt for surviving and move on. I'd finally let my friends talk me into going out for drinks with a doctor on the Citadel. Nothing serious, but trying to let myself have a life again, you know?_

_ Then I saw you, and everything pulled hard to port. You were standing in front of me, but you were with Cerberus. I guess I really don't know who either of us is anymore. Do you even remember that night before Ilios? That night meant everything to me… maybe it meant as much to you. But a lot has changed in the past two years and I can't just put that aside._

_ But please be careful. I've watched too many people close to me die—on Eden Prime, on Virmire, on Horizon, on the Normandy. I couldn't bear it if I lost you again. If you're still the woman I remember, I know you'll find a way to stop these Collector attacks. But Cerberus is too dangerous to be trusted. Watch yourself. _

_ When things have settled down a little… maybe… I don't know. Just take care._

_ -Kaidan_

Var Shepard was understandably ecstatic. He understood. Kaidan recognized his mistakes, still cared about her, and he understood. Even better, he implied a relationship was possible in the future. Shepard had the juvenile urge to share her joy with another female, but dismissed it. She was Commander fucking Shepard and she had work to do.

_Var,_

_ I shouldn't have acted like that on Horizon. Your death hit me harder than I'd like to admit and took a long time to get over it. I'm seeing this girl on the Citadel. It's not a meaningful relationship, not like ours had been, but it was worth a shot._

_ Now that you're here, everything has changed. You're with Cerberus and that's not okay. It seems like both of us have changed a lot. You think about that night before Ilios, right? It was everything to me and I know it was the same for you. I want us, but it's just not possible right now._

_ Keep your guard up. I've seen more death than anyone should ever have to. If you died again, I'd die with you. But I know you'll get rid of the Collectors. You seem to work best against impossible odds. Even if Cerberus brought you back, don't trust them. _

_ Maybe we could be us again when things are calm, maybe…_

_ -Kaidan_


	4. Median

The weather on the Citadel was as pleasant as ever. A gentle breeze was present, ruffling Commander Shepard's auburn locks. It felt a bit strange wearing armor with the helmet, but how else would Anderson recognize her.

Var stepped out of the elevator with her usual aura of confidence and determination. The office was much different than it had been two years ago. It was more secluded and spacious, but she didn't mind. Directly in her line of vision was a balcony, and on that balcony was her old captain. She crossed the pristine tile and stood next to him, admiring the view. "Long time, no see, Anderson."

"So the rumors were true," he mused, turning to face her. His face was a mask, much like Kaidan's had been on Horizon. Just the thought of her former lover put a weight on her heart, a weight she would have to ignore. She nodded in response. "And you're working with Cerberus?"

"I am," she replied, seeing no gain in avoiding the truth.

"Why?"

The inquiry set her off. "You know exactly why I'm with them," she exclaimed, glaring at him fiercely. He didn't appear fazed or sympathetic.

"I don't even know why you're alive," the councilor stated "Much less why you're working for the enemy." That angered her as well. Anderson, of all people, understood the threat of the Reapers. He'd been on her side from the beginning and now he was using the same methods as her old lieutenant. She forced herself to calm down.

"This was a mistake," Var decided, ignoring the sound of the elevator opening. "I didn't come here to listen to old friends question my choices."

Anderson's façade dropped. "You show up, looking exactly like you used to, after two years of being dead! You can't just expect everyone to be okay and trusting about that, especially if Cerberus is involved!"

"Do you have any idea what it's like losing two years of your life and seeing how much everyone has changed without you," Shepard retorted.

"No one does!"

"Perhaps we ought to let her explain," a new, deeper voice suggested. The two turned their gaze to the newcomer in surprise, but Var felt a good deal more than that. Kaidan was looking at her now, less coldly than he had on the colony. "I, for one, want to hear her side of it." They both looked at Anderson who nodded in agreement and led them both to his desk.

Var sighed, not wanting to get into details. But with both of them expecting the whole story **and** giving her a chance to right the situation, she was going to sate their curiosity. "The Normandy was attacked by a Collector ship," she stated "I managed to get Joker into the escape shuttle, but the Collectors attacked again and the beam separated us. I launched the shuttle to get him to safety and the ship blew up, sending me into space. I ran out of air and died. Gravity pulled my body into a nearby planet, where Cerberus found me. They rebuilt me to perfection with what Miranda calls the Lazarus Project. Near the end of the project, the station was attacked. Miranda woke me up early and took me to the Illusive Man. I agreed to help him find out what was happening to our colonies. You should know the rest.

"I don't like Cerberus. I don't trust Cerberus. But they spent a lot of time and money rebuilding me and they're the only ones acknowledging the threat of the Reapers. I'm going to do my part in the galaxy. I'm going to stop the Reapers or die trying. I don't care who I have to work for to get it done. It was never about the Alliance, it was about humanity."

"Do you honesty believe the Alliance turned its back on you," Anderson asked, less irate than he had been previously.

Shepard nodded. "One minute I was suffocating and the next I was being shot at by mechs," she began "The enemy was the only one trying to protect and guide me. How the hell was I supposed to feel?"

"Why didn't you try to contact us," the elder inquired, crossing his arms.

"Right now, the future is a little more important than the past." Shepard looked at them both. They appeared to be processing her words, actually trying to understand her situation.

"We missed you, Shepard," the councilor said after a moment of silence. Then he turned his gaze to Kaidan, "Some more than others."

The lieutenant coughed at the implication and shifted his focus to a rather amusing patch of wall. Yes, it was very…clean. "Well, I'm sure you two have important things to talk about," the man responded as he stood. "So I'll just be going."

"Actually, I have important matters to attend to on my own," the councilor corrected "So I ask that you both make your leave." Shepard nodded and entered the elevator with her old lieutenant. The journey down began in a tense silence, as if any moment either of them would explode.

"So," Var began cautiously, glancing at him from the corner of her eye. "Nice…weather…here on the Citadel." She had expected a lot of reactions to her lackadaisical comment: a roll of the eyes, a shrug, a dismissal. Kaidan never had been one to pussyfoot around an issue.

"You got my letter." It sounded like both a statement and a question. Her response was a curt nod. "Good. I put a lot of thought into it, but it doesn't feel like it's enough. We need to sort this out, face-to-face."

"Face-to-face didn't work out to well on Horizon," Var commented dryly.

"I was emotional," the lieutenant reasoned "The woman I loved had died long ago and I still wasn't over it. Then she comes back and she was with the enemy. I won't justify what I said back on the colony. I'm just saying I had a suitable reason for being irrational."

"Fair enough," she replied, watching the walls beyond the glass move as they went down. Perhaps she could've tried harder to understand his point of view. She was too focused on herself to do so. "What exactly is it you want from me, Kaidan?"

His eyes flickered to her at the use of his name and a small smile grew on his lips. "I want to talk about things," he stated "Settle our feelings and decide how to proceed. You were the best thing I ever had, Var. I can't put that aside, either. If I let us burn out like this without deciding it was best, I'll never know the truth."

"Truth," she repeated, looking at him now. What truth? Had she ever been dishonest with him?

He looked at her a bit surprised, as if he had not meant to mention the concept. "Oh, nothing. Just tell me we'll work this out for the better."

"I can't promise that," she said with a sigh.

Kaidan stepped closer to her, so that their noses were almost touching. "Then promise we'll try."

She stared at him long and hard, analyzing, but he did not back down. At last, she nodded. "I have a minor errand to run," she stated "You're welcome to tag along and we can continue this talk in my quarters." To this the lieutenant retreated a few paces back, searching her face for any innuendos. "No sex implied." To this he grinned and nodded, relieved that they were slowly growing into that comfortable place in which they had been two years previous.

They stepped off the elevator and made to complete this errand of hers. All along the way, jokes were made and boundaries were established. Though there was an underlying tension present, the pair hid it almost entirely with their own genuine smiles. A median had been temporarily set. But how long would it last before something drastic occurred?


End file.
